Two steps in front of me I cannot see, nor two steps back of me can I see. With one look into the far distance there is nothing but a blur of grey fog covering my surroundings. The sun trying its hardest to break through the thick moist cloud, but it doesn't. Miles and miles, the road goes on, but to where, you don’t know because all you can see is the grey fog. With every long stride that I take, my heart beats twice as fast. My lungs so tight and empty as I gasp for air. Afraid of what is around me, I just keep moving forward. No matter how much I want to stop and no matter how hard it is to breath with the air this thick, I still keep on pushing myself to make it to the end. I am running out of endurance to keep myself going and my body so cold from the brisk air. My legs begin to give out but I know its not over until you reach the finish line.
I really like this entry. It is so descriptive of your surroundings. I honstly can't think of anything to change. I also really like your blog, and how everything is set up. Great job :)
ReplyDeleteWow Emma! Honestly this entry made me so excited...You had great word choice and description. I liked how it transformed in the end to a race. It's just like life, when you think you can't make it eventually you see something that gives you the inspiration to keep moving forward. Great Job! I think you are an amazing writer... :) <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this. I lov ehow you are experimenting with prose as a poetic form almost, fully aware of the sound of your language as you write.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. All of the discription and how all the sentences flow together makes it a reall good entry. There isn't anything that i see wrong with this piece.
ReplyDeleteNice job girl!!! You describe the scene perfectly, and your vocabulary is very good. I can't find anything that you could improve on. Nice work!!!
ReplyDeleteThe scene is so vividly written that I can picture it without the image but it is still a really nice touch. You made it really easy for the reader to connect to the character. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love this poem, and like Liv said, I love how it sounds like a race in the end. Also, I watched your Vuvox slideshow, and I laughed every time a new picture popped up. I love the quote you have... it's so inspirational! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Emma! I really like this poem for many reasons. I really like how when I was reading this it really made me feel like I was scared and I was walking throught the fog. Another part of this poem that I liked was that it almost started out like a little freaky and then it went on to talking about how you kept on pushing your self to make it to the "finish line". Great Job and keep up the good writing... O and also... Love the Jusitn Bieber picture on the edge, you were right it really was like the best night ever and his CD is awesome! Great Job! :)
ReplyDeleteThis poem is really good! I like the analogy of the finsish line! This peom is so good I can't think anything wrong with it! Nice Job!
ReplyDelete